"Accepting an idea without endorsing it works best when you seek out the smartest representatives of that idea. **Having the smartest representative at the table, in the room, or on the stage is a prerequisite for seeing it from a new perspective, so that listeners can decide if they want to endorse the idea as it is meant to be understood.** It’s the opposite of nutpicking. Find worthy representatives who have the best chance of finding your blind spots and filling in gaps in your knowledge, and bring them in. When we find an idea unacceptable before seeing it for what it really is, we just fill it in with our worst predefined stereotypes. **If we speculate about the reasons behind an idea we think a person has, we assume they’re overly simplistic and flawed and reject the idea based on our own speculation. We don’t see reality; instead we reject an illusion we’ve created, which results in zero growth, zero connection, and zero enjoyment.** That missed opportunity is the real casualty of unproductive disagreements, even though we feel justified and secure in the moment." (~[Location 2806](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B081J97HLQ&location=2806)~) -- *** #### See Also - [[202308180914 — AtN — Asking questions can be a superpower]] - [[202308181228 — AtN — Listening well can be a superpower]] - [[202308181107 — AtN — Staying calm within disagreements can be a superpower]] - [[202308170954 — AtN — Productive disagreement can be a superpower]] - [[202308181241 — AtN — Embrace feelings of discomfort as they may reflect a growth mindset]] *** **Tags** — [[quotes]], [[confirmation-bias]], [[self-selection-bias]], [[making-decisions]], [[leadership]], [[conflict]], [[listening]], **Source** — [[202308170952 — B — Why Are We Yelling]]