"Here’s how [[Anson Dorrance]], the coach we met in Chapter 12, puts it: "Sometimes, **we aren’t willing to make that emotional investment in our kids at home or in the kids we are teaching because to do so we have to be somewhat demanding and critical. It causes stressful moments of conflict, and that’s a taxing price**. "Even in my own home, I can see what happens when my wife and I come home from a long day at work and are very tired. **Donovan, our four-and-a-half-year-old son, has just been eating in front of the television, and he decides to leave his dish there and go play in his bedroom**. Well, the correct behavior is… to go find Donovan and say, “Donovan, your dish is sitting there in the living room, and that’s not where you leave it. When you are finished eating, you bring it to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher.” Then there is a moment of confrontation with Donovan that is emotionally taxing—in a very small way. He will roll his eyes, object, and say he’ll do it later. **Well, now you’re getting a little angry because he’s trying to blow you off, and it’s not a very pleasant experience**. It’s not an issue about getting the dish in the dishwasher, but we’re not in the mood for this type of dispute. **And if we are the sort of parent, educator, or coach who doesn’t have the strength to constantly have these battles, we pick up the dish and put it in the dishwasher. OK, now the dish is in the dishwasher, but Donovan has a lower standard of expectation**. --- **Tags** -- [[quotes]], [[parenting]], [[wise-parenting]], [[demanding-parenting]], [[boundaries]], [[habits]], [[discipline]], **Source** -- [[20241030 - B - Grit]]